My birthday.

So today is when I finally turned twenty. I don't know why I find it so amusing that I'm turning 20..on the 20th. Haha, I'm such a dork. I didn't really do anything people would normally consider "special" on my birthday, however I still enjoyed it. I basically just spent my birthday with my dad and sister(who skipped school apparently because it was my birthday..lol xP), and went to go eat at Teriyaki. Then we went to Costco to buy things for the small bbq we were having in celebrating for my bday. It might not seem special to anyone else, but..it was special to me. My family might not know this, but I thank God everyday that they're with me. I know that without them, I honestly would not be able to keep moving forward. 

Aside from that, I can't help but feel a bit of disappointment. Some of my friends who I shall name, N.,C., and D., forgot my birthday. It seems like such a petty thing to be mad at...but I think I should have the right to at least feel sad right? I'm not one who can easily feel close to people, so I don't have a lot of friends. They were some of the ones who I considered friends..so I'm really sad that they forgot. Everytime I think about it and feel sad, I try to think of my family who spent all day celebrating with me. I try to think of all those people who don't even have one person to celebrate with. I try....not to be sad. I'm trying...really.

Exams

It's ridiculous how stressed these past few days due to studying for exams. I know that I have no one to blame but myself..since I seriously procrastinate way too much. I just finished an exam worth 55% of the course just a few hours ago, and surprisingly I think I did really good on it. I have no clue how I managed to cram half a semester's worth of information in just a few days, but thankfully, it worked out in the end. Out of my four final exams, this was one of the exams I was extremely worried about. If I failed the exam, then I basically failed the course. Another exam which I'm worried about is calculus. If I fail that exam as well, then I fail the course. Honestly, I don't even care what mark I get in calculus, I just want to pass it & never do anything related to math ever again. Ever. 

For the rest of my exams I think my stress levels will remain at a low-moderate level because there's no risk of failing the course. Sure, I want to get a good mark in those courses as well...but if I allow myself to stress about those exams too, then arghh I think I will go insane. 

On a brighter note, I received my gmarket package yesterday. I was suppose to receive it a day before but I didn't hear the mailman so instead he left a notice. Surprisingly, I'm actually really happy about the items I received. Considering it was my first time ordering from gmarket, I was a bit nervous about the sizing and quality of the items. Another thing I'm happy about is that I didn't get charged customs. I'll probably post pictures of the things I ordered later on this week...just for myself, and anyone who might happen to stumble upon this blog interested in a gmarket haul haha. 

E.L.F?

E.L.F = Ever Lasting Friends. The official name for the Super Junior fanclub. 

I've never really been into the kpop fandom, however these past few weeks I've started liking the group Super Junior. Previously, I've listened to their most popular song Sorry, Sorry and though catchy.. it wasn't enough to make me a fan. To be honest, I've never really been a fan of any groups within the kpop industry. I found that most of the kpop groups were really similar to each other.

I think the main reason why I started to become a fan of Super Junior is due to their personalities on variety shows. Variety is one of their strongest point which separates them from the other kpop idols in the industry.

If you've never watched a korean variety show before, I suggest you start. It's so different from the types of shows they show here in North America. I suggest the show Explorers of the Human Body...the guests are members of Super Junior ;) It's actually really funny and you learn some interesting facts.

Resume.

As I read my old blog posts I can't help but feel a sense of detachment. It makes me realize just how much I've changed.

If you think about it..it's kinda amazing how we have a medium that allows us a chance to look back to our past thoughts and feelings. And because of that, I've decided to actively update my blog more often now.

I'm better off.

After constantly being hurt by your remarks, I'm realizing it's because you're still bitter. I know I have a lot of flaws, but you know what, so does everyone else. We're only human.

I'm keeping my head up high.

.

Yesterday as I asked myself whether I did make the right decision.. whether picking them over you was the right thing, but you know what.. it was. As much as I miss you, and though right now they're hurting me.. I still know it was the right thing to do. Right now, honestly, I feel like I'm just being taken for granted. You did the same thing to me.. and they're doing the same thing to. I'm just tired of it..

I need to clear my head&heart.

You know.. I seriously thought that I had honestly lost all feelings for you, but now I just don't know. But thing is, no matter what feelings I may presently feel, I wasn't happy in our past relationship- I'm not even sure I could even call it that. I know you wanted to make it official, but I just knew deep down I could never make it work. I wish I could just fully let you go cause I know the feelings I feel is not true love; I'm not some naive girl who could easily classify something as love. Have you ever been hurt by someone and tried to move on.. but when you see them you think of all the good memories(no matter how little) you guys shared? Yup, I think thats what I'm feeling right now. I don't want to get back together with you.. it's just.. when I think of you, I want to think of our good memories.. and not our bad ones. - but when I do that, I go back to a time in which I had strong feelings for you.. & thats not good because I need to start heading back to reality.

You know, I really was hurt by you. It's funny how you were the one guy which I actually seriously tried to make a relationship work with, but yet you were the most hurtful one to me. That's the one thing which I still can't shake off to this day. I don't want to continue thinking of that though- but I can't help it. I need to stop carrying with me that thought, because truthfully I know myself.. it's going to be hard to bring myself to try with another guy cause of that. That wouldn't be fair to him or me.

Half of this stuff probably doesn't even make sense- but I just need to put my feelings into words. If not.. I think I'm going to try pushing everyone away again. sighs* & I certainly don't want that.